It's been almost 2 years since my last blog post here. Although I made a commitment to give blogging a priority, I could not help but to set aside this due to several personal issues.
Four years ago, our loving mother suffered a very rare disease called cerebellar degeneration. Mother physician first gave a diagnosis of mild stroke due to her trouble in speaking, walking and moving. We have tried all the medications and therapy necessary for her recuperation. But after 5 months with no improvements on her condition, we seek for a second opinion. There we discovered that she has been suffering from cerebellar degeneration.
You may ask, what is this disease? Cerebellar degeneration to be understood by non-medical individuals is the state of cerebellum becoming degenerate or deteriorate. In the case of our mother, her cerebellum shrink to a size of a 3-year old kid. And once the brain, the cerebellum in her case, is damaged or deteriorate, there will be no chance for it to be repaired back to its normal size
During her said hospitalization, her physician found a small lump on her left breast which led the doctor to recommend biopsy and/or surgery, if needed. But, Mother refused of such recommendation and instead decided to undergo alternative medicines. From then and after several examination and evaluation, it was further diagnosed that Mother's having a Paraneoplastic Cerebellar Degeneration. Paraneoplastic cerebellar degeneration is a syndrome that occurs predominantly in patients with cancer of the ovary, uterus, or adnexa; cancer of the breast; small-cell carcinoma of the lung; or Hodgkin lymphoma. In short, Mother's lump in the breast triggered the degeneration of her cerebellum.
And since her cerebellum degenerates, her speech, gait, movements and balanced were affected. She really tried her best to walk by herself during the first year after the diagnosis. She would just allow somebody to watch and follow her while she was walking. She called it exercise. She did not want to just sit. She still wants to continue her normal activities but she sometimes got frustrated due to her limitations. She still sung to her grandchildren, she still ate, bathe, brush her teeth, change her clothes, by herself.
Three years passed and we never heard her complaining of said lump. Little did we know that it had already formed into a bigger mass of lump. After almost three years, we noticed redness spreading all over her left arm reaching on her neck area. Thinking it was only allergic reactions to foods or medicines she was taking, we told her to undergo laboratory tests to identify allergens that could have triggered such. However, my very curious brother, two days after, asked her to lift her shirt and showed to him parts of her body. And reality really hurts, upon seeing the mass of lump on her left breast with some skin dimpling and her nipple pulling in, my brother prevented himself from shouting and asking God why these things happened on our mother. This made him think and called us informing that Mother was suffering from breast cancer.
It was also during this time that I was pregnant with our second child. My pregnancy during that time was so critical with having numerous occurrence of spotting and bleeding. Although I visited Mother at their house frequently, I tried to avoid physical and emotional stresses that could triggered another bleeding occurrence while I was pregnant.
Two days after, Mother was sent to a hospital for a biopsy and a mastectomy was done 3 days after. The oncologist diagnosed Mother of having Stage IV Breast Cancer. We were all shocked, worried and anxious but never got angry with God. We never questioned God's purpose on all these but we shared sentiments that He has His reasons on everything that's happening to our mother's life. We may not understood it but we just prayed for it.
Mother has mastectomy on May 18, 2015 and I gave birth to our second child on May 17, 2015. I have been struggling to have a normal delivery but failed because our baby boy is too big to have it normal. My OB decided, with me and my husband's consent, to have a CS operation. I gave life to a healthy baby boy while Mother is fighting cancer to extend her life with us.
After a month of Mother's mastectomy, 6 sessions of chemotherapy was advised by her physician. The period during those chemotherapy was a very hard battle for Mother. We saw how her body thinned, her hair loss, her immune system turned very low, her appetite loss. We saw how her body who used to be an active, strong one turned into a very fragile state. Chemotherapy not only kill cancer cells but also good cells which will make one's body prone to infections and sickness. Mother did finish 5 sessions of chemotherapy for 5 months and her physician did not further the last session.
After which, the physician recommended a weekly session of radiation therapy that will last for two months but we decided not to follow such advice and seek for a second opinion to another well-known oncologist which specializes on breast cancers. She told us not to proceed with the radiation therapy since my mother's condition and state of health will no longer bear the side effects brought by such procedure. Instead she opted for oral chemo and immediately, after checking and evaluating all of Mother's health history, let Mother undergo several laboratory tests and once cleared, prescribed Mother of her oral chemo medicines.
Signs of progress were obviously shown on Mother's health. She began gaining weight because her appetite was back to normal, she already grown a lot of hairs and physically, she looked a lot better than before.
 |
| Mother almost 3 months after her 5 sessions of chemotherapy. She still managed to smile despite her condition. With Father always at her side. With her grandchildren, my kids who always wanted to visit their Lola. |
Come December 2015, we noticed again redness spreading Mother's left arm. We seek guidance from her oncologist and recommend to continue with her oral chemo. Mostly, these red spots would occur when she had her 2-week rest from taking her oral medicines. During this time, redness covering her arms are on and off. They would sometimes disappear especially if she was having her oral chemo medicines.
April 29, 2016, that was her last birthday with us. We decided to invite her friends and colleagues from the school where she was previously employed as Guidance Counselor, her siblings and a few relatives. Her happiness could not be measured then. She cried seeing her pictures in the tarpaulin we made for her. We felt grateful seeing her so happy despite the illness she was suffering at that time.
 |
| Mother with her grandchildren, children and with Father. Her last birthday with us. And the happiest of all. |
 |
| With her previous colleagues. See, she was so happy then. |
 |
| With the ever doting husband, who, we gave our greatest praise and love for the strength despite his age (68), his courage despite the situation, his undying love and care for Mother. Above anybody else, he have seen all the sufferings Mother has been through all this time. |
Cancer is not only a great enemy to one's body but also a foe to one's pocket. Even Mother has her HMO, there were still some point that we need to shell out big sum of money for Mother's medicines and supplements, physician's fees, laboratory expenses and other special needs, in her case. We are still thankful to God that we are always provided each time we need to finance Mother's needs. And it was never a burden for us to help Mother during this special times.
It was only this June 2016 that we noticed that cancer already spread all over Mother's body. She has wounds all over her left arm that would go on and off. She already had a hard time moving. We told her to schedule a visit to her physician or have her admitted to a hospital but she refused. Even at this point, we never heard her complaining of pain. I heard stories of cancer patients having bouts of endless pain but Mother was a tough lady. Or maybe God never allowed her to experience pains during her battle with cancer.
Mother already have metastasis and now her lungs was the concerned organ. July was a month full of pain and mourning for our family. I had a heavy heart looking at Mother every time we visited their house. I could not bear looking at her suffering from such illness. How could such a very caring, selfless, loving, God-fearing lady suffered such disease?
Father talked to me and told me that he has been praying for the past months that if Mother will not be healed and be free from this disease, then he was asking God not to prolong such agony. It was so hard for us to talk about it.
It was July 19, 2016 that Mother personally asked from me to take her to the hospital. She barely could not speak. She could not sit on her own. She could not move her body, her arms or her legs without somebody's help. She could only speak a word or two but that would entail a great effort for her part for us to understand her words. Her one week stay in the hospital was very emotional. Our older sister arrived from Mindanao days before she was admitted to the hospital. Our youngest sibling, her favorite one, arrived from Manila, 4 days after admitted to the hospital. She told me that she was so happy. She said her goodbyes to her siblings, she greeted her grandchild a Happy Birthday who will be celebrating his birthday on August 23rd. She's always looking for Father, for her grandchildren, for her children.
It was until morning of July 27 that her physician told Father to gather us siblings and talk to Mother that she could take her eternal rest already and to not worry about us. I cried so hard inside our office's comfort room while talking to Father. Although I already opened my heart and mind about this possibility, it was still different when this reality happened.
July 27, 2016 was such a long, tiring day for us. Physically and emotionally tiring. Nanay lost her battle over cancer but she won a different battle because she is now experiencing eternal peace. Although we still need more time, a longer period of time, to recover from such loss but we are still looking at the brighter side that Mother's suffering has already ended.
For the entire 4 years of suffering, we deeply honored and felt grateful of Father in taking care of Mother. Countless times that we heard him boost Mother's faith in God through prayers, Bible scriptures reading, reading inspirational books. We never heard him blaming God for such situation. He could always gave Mother a joke or teased her that would eventually made her smile or laugh. Of all Mother's demands, he made sure that he gave it to her. That's true love. He even celebrated his birthday in the hospital last July 23, 2016 and even joked Mother to get well the soonest so she could eat yummy foods again. (That time we only bought foods in the hospital room to celebrate Father's birthday.)
To our dear mother, your physical body may have left us but your memories, your goodness, your love, your embrace and kisses will always remain and live with us. You left us beautiful memories and values.
You will always be remembered and loved... In our hearts... ALWAYS...
I hope you find this long blog post of mine inspiring and informative.
No comments:
Post a Comment